


After All

by hunters_retreat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Incest, M/M, Mourning for Jess, Supportive Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-12
Updated: 2009-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-05 06:05:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5364224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunters_retreat/pseuds/hunters_retreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It hit him sometimes, out of the blue when everything seemed normal and good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After All

 

  
It hit him sometimes, out of the blue when everything seemed normal and good.  The world would go black for a minute and he’d remember what had happened, he’d remember the smell of burning flesh and pained eyes and the way it felt like his heart had been left, burnt to a crisp on the ceiling beside her as his brother pulled him from the fire.

“Sam, you okay?”  Dean asked as he came up behind him.

Sam who was holding a box of Lucky Charms like it was somehow damning. 

Maybe it was. 

“She thought I hated Lucky Charms.”  He said softly. 

He felt Dean moving closer until his chest was pressed against Sam’s back, one hand landing on his hip and pulling him back lightly, letting him have the option to pull away if he wanted.  “Why would she think that?”

He wanted to pull away, wanted to let the guilt ride him a little while, but he wanted the comfort also and that need won out.  “It reminded me of you.  Of all the fucking things, I couldn’t eat them without thinking of all the times we didn’t have enough to money to last and we’d spend a week eating nothing but Lucky Charms and Spaghetti-O’s.  I wouldn’t let her buy them.”

He took a deep breath and Dean pulled the box from his hand and set it on the table with the rest of the things he’d bought to keep them going on their current hunt.  “Sam.”

“Just another thing I kept from her Dean.  Another way I didn’t let her know who I really was.  I loved her, and I know she loved me, but she never really knew me.”

Dean pulled him around then, his thumb swiping quickly at the tears that were falling down his face.  “She knew you Sam.  She might not have known all the details, but she knew you.  She loved you.”  He leaned forward then, brushing his lips lightly over Sam’s.  “What’s not to love?”

Sam closed his eyes and pulled Dean tight to his chest.  He didn’t deserve to have Dean, not with the way he’d run to Stanford and left him behind because he’d been too young to understand what was happening between them.  He didn’t deserve Jessica’s memory, not with the way he’d lied to her.  But he’d had them both and he still did.  Dean’s fingers tangled in the hair at the back of his neck and he let out a shaky breath. 

He let his head rest against Dean’s shoulder for a minute, letting the memories steel him.  Dean and Sam sitting in front of the television, a huge bowl of cereal between them as they watched late night movies.  Jessica in the kitchen, a smudge of pancake mix across her face as she made pancakes that Sam swore was his favorite breakfast food.  Jessica burning them to a crisp before pulling him back to bed and making them both forget the mess until they were too hungry and they’d run to Denny’s for a Slam.  Dean tucking Sam into his body, holding him close and kissing the back of his neck while they’d waited for Dad to come home from the latest hunt, confusion and comfort surging through him almost as hard as the lust.  Jessica, gone from his life forever, but not his heart.  Dean, lost and found and somehow his after everything else.

He took a step back and gave Dean a small smile. 

“So… what do you want for dinner tonight Sammy?”  Dean asked, trying to give Sam the space he needed to recover.

Sam thought for a minute, but there was nothing else he wanted more at that moment.  He found a huge mixing bowl in the cabinet of the kitchenette and pulled out two spoons. 

“Lucky Charms.”  

He threw the box of cereal to Dean and his brother’s answering smile was radiant.  They couldn’t give each other much, but what Dean had, he’d always given.  And Sam?  He’d learned that sitting next to his brother, a bowl between them and a movie on the TV was all he really needed in life after all.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Sam and Dean drabble-a-thon prompt of Lucky Charms.


End file.
